Thank you for posting and sharing Allison. I enjoy your writing very much, and YES I discovered my trauma this last year, read the book, it changed my life. Is changing my life. Massive changes currently underway.
Funny, I was so physically strong and active when I wasn’t aware of the CPTSD and I’m so sedentary now after a hard few years with a difficult health diagnosis and struggling to get back to physical expression of that pain through exercise. This is a nice unexpected support to read the writing of a vibrant, struggling human coping with trauma and expressing it. And a reminder of how it’s all tied together.
Your writing is so comfortable and familiar-feeling. Resonant.
You have always been a bright neon velvet slash through the day-to-day, but I think my own trauma is a part of the reason I was not able to feel or fully see that light . Na mean?
Transverse orientation. A loooong-winded way of saying that this moth feels you, moon. I’m here for it.
Stephanie. Thanks so much for sharing. I really appreciate it. I didn't know all this was happening, I'd love to talk to you sometime. Also calling me a neon velvet slash through the day to day is my favorite thing in the world...crying!
i really want to go on a fitness journey this year too. im so tired of whatever is going on in my body. and while a part of it all has no deadline to me (breastfeeding will last as long as it lasts, unless something drastic changes in me i have no desire to be the one who decides its going to end.. it will all come to and end soon enough and i tear up thinking about it because it brings us both so much joy and thankfulness to it for how its literally given my babies so much, and clearly been a huge part in the miracle of how far Lizzie has been able to come physically with her cerebral palsy... makes me cry when i think about it omg its so beautiful...) - i know the body holds onto weight to support breastfeeding and im so grateful for this time anyway as ive walked into intuitive eating information.. ive come so far from the body hatred i grew up with and the body fears/health fears that were wrongly pressed onto me from the "fitness world" - im so grateful that i will never feel as hateful about this body the way my mom and her parents were forced into thanks to hitlers youth programming on my grandfather....
anyway. im feeling extra emotional today for some reason and that makes me wordy.
i hate the feeling of sweat. i think one of the meds im on makes me sweat more, and im 42 in like 4 days omg its in 4 days?!?!?! so maybe thats playing a role too but ive always hated the feeling of sweat and wanted it off me asap. and it kinda keeps me from doing anything exercisey. but i want to walk. i get all in my head when i can be alone, walk, listen to music. gaze at the lake. sometime after getting cv something happened where my legs felt heavier and weaker and more fatigued and i got fears about that happening and frustration that it was happening... but i really want it. and it makes sense. lizzie is old enough now that i can leave her for longer periods, tho i paid for it after going 2 hours away to a concert the other night rotfl she was super clingy. :P
You're a gifted writer. Very few people can do humor in writing, but you did great just now.
Call Netflix and tell them I’m ready for my comedy special. Thanks.
Thank you for posting and sharing Allison. I enjoy your writing very much, and YES I discovered my trauma this last year, read the book, it changed my life. Is changing my life. Massive changes currently underway.
Funny, I was so physically strong and active when I wasn’t aware of the CPTSD and I’m so sedentary now after a hard few years with a difficult health diagnosis and struggling to get back to physical expression of that pain through exercise. This is a nice unexpected support to read the writing of a vibrant, struggling human coping with trauma and expressing it. And a reminder of how it’s all tied together.
Your writing is so comfortable and familiar-feeling. Resonant.
You have always been a bright neon velvet slash through the day-to-day, but I think my own trauma is a part of the reason I was not able to feel or fully see that light . Na mean?
Transverse orientation. A loooong-winded way of saying that this moth feels you, moon. I’m here for it.
Stephanie. Thanks so much for sharing. I really appreciate it. I didn't know all this was happening, I'd love to talk to you sometime. Also calling me a neon velvet slash through the day to day is my favorite thing in the world...crying!
I am also on the "get abs" journey this year. We got this.
if you ever want to get abs together...lmk!
awe i love this!
i really want to go on a fitness journey this year too. im so tired of whatever is going on in my body. and while a part of it all has no deadline to me (breastfeeding will last as long as it lasts, unless something drastic changes in me i have no desire to be the one who decides its going to end.. it will all come to and end soon enough and i tear up thinking about it because it brings us both so much joy and thankfulness to it for how its literally given my babies so much, and clearly been a huge part in the miracle of how far Lizzie has been able to come physically with her cerebral palsy... makes me cry when i think about it omg its so beautiful...) - i know the body holds onto weight to support breastfeeding and im so grateful for this time anyway as ive walked into intuitive eating information.. ive come so far from the body hatred i grew up with and the body fears/health fears that were wrongly pressed onto me from the "fitness world" - im so grateful that i will never feel as hateful about this body the way my mom and her parents were forced into thanks to hitlers youth programming on my grandfather....
anyway. im feeling extra emotional today for some reason and that makes me wordy.
i hate the feeling of sweat. i think one of the meds im on makes me sweat more, and im 42 in like 4 days omg its in 4 days?!?!?! so maybe thats playing a role too but ive always hated the feeling of sweat and wanted it off me asap. and it kinda keeps me from doing anything exercisey. but i want to walk. i get all in my head when i can be alone, walk, listen to music. gaze at the lake. sometime after getting cv something happened where my legs felt heavier and weaker and more fatigued and i got fears about that happening and frustration that it was happening... but i really want it. and it makes sense. lizzie is old enough now that i can leave her for longer periods, tho i paid for it after going 2 hours away to a concert the other night rotfl she was super clingy. :P
anyway. this kinda inspires me. :) YOU GO GIRL
aww thanks so much erika. we can do it! i dont feel fit for the fitness world either, but our bodies beg to move!